Pretending...

Pretending is not my strong point.

I'm sorry.

Happy...

Are you happier now that I'm not in your life anymore?

Bakit...

Bakit nga ba ganon? Alam ko naman na kahit maka isang-libong text ako, hindi ka magrereply. Alam ko naman na kahit mag-email ako, hindi ka pa rin magrereply. Alam ko na kahit mag ym message ako, hindi ka talaga magrereply. Alam ko rin na kahit nababasa mo blogs ko, hindi ka pa rin magrereply.

Bakit nga ba ganon? Alam ko na itong lahat na ito pero hindi pa rin ako tumitigil.

Siguro mahal na mahal lang talaga kita. Siguro hindi pa lang ako nawawalan ng pag-asa. Siguro dahil buhay pa ako.

Sana man lang, bago ako pumanaw sa mundong ito, makita mo ulit ang kahalagahan ko.

I Know...

I know you're reading this. I just hope it touches your heart.

**wishful thinking**
call me and i'll answer...

Maybe...

I don't know what to do now that we're apart. I don't know how to live without the other half of my heart. No matter how many times I try and move on, my heart always takes me back here to you.

Don't say we're not right for each other, the way I see it, we're not meant for anyone else. Because life without you is like a broken pencil, there is no point.

Within you I lose myself. Without you I find myself wanting to become lost again.

Even the sweetest words, could not bring you back. I know, because I tried. Even the saddest tears, could not make you care. I know, because I cried.

Maybe, just maybe, if I stay in my imagination, if I create my own fantasy. I can pretend nothing is wrong and that we're the way we use to be.

Laban...

Huwag kang susuko kung nais mo pa rin sumubok,
Huwag mong punasan ang luha mo kung nais mo pa rin umiyak,
Huwag kang makuntento sa sagot kung nais mo pa rin malaman,
Huwag mong sabihing hindi mo na sya mahal kung hindi mo sya kayang bitawan.

Comfort Zone...

Heto na naman ako, iniwan ko sya ng mahigit 16 na buwan, pero andyan pa rin sya at naghihintay sa akin. Mabuti pa sya, kahit anong nangyari hindi nya ako iniwan, tinatanggap nya pa rin ako kahit ilang beses ko na syang iniwanan. Ang dami na naming pinagsamahan, lungkot, ligaya, kahit ilang beses kong napagbalingan ng galit at inis ko, ilang beses kong hinagis, binalibag, sinipa at hinampas, hindi pa rin sya umalis.

Akala ko hindi na ko babalik sa kanya, akala ko pang-habang-buhay na yung kaligayahang nadama ko nung umalis ako sa piling nya. Hindi pala, lahat ng bagay ay may katapusan, hindi man natin gusto, hindi man natin matanggap dahil masakit sa loob natin, pero kailangan.

Malaking parte ng buhay ko ang nawala, hindi ko alam kung maibabalik ko pa, nabasag ang damdamin ko, hindi lang dalawa o tatlong piraso, milyong-milyong piraso. Hindi ko alam kung san ko sisimulan pulutin ang mga nakakalat na parte ng damdamin ko.

Sana sa pagbalik ko sa kanya, maghilom ang malalim na sugat sa puso ko, mabuo ulit ang nabasag kong damdamin. Alam ko naman na tatanggapin nya pa rin ako.

Sabi nga sa chorus ng kanta na I’LL BE OVER YOU ni TOTO

It takes some time.
God knows how long.
I know that I can forget you,
As soon as my heart stops breaking,
Anticipating
As soon as forever is through,
I’ll be over you.

Gaano ba katagal ang FOREVER?

It Is You...

You are my life, you are my soul. Wish we could have been so much more. Because I've been loving you so real and you gave me reason to be here. I wish you knew, I wish you'd see, that you're the heaven within me.

Goodbye Photography...

I can’t find my groove anymore. No matter how hard I try, it’s no more there. It’s like I’m back to square one, where I don’t have any idea what photography is. Everything is like ordinary to me. Whenever I hold my camera, I’m not having that exciting feeling that you want to capture great photographs. Just 1 or 2 clicks, I’ll put my camera down and leave it.

I already dropped my multiply site. I already removed my photos on my flickr account. Maybe I’ll continue to edit pictures just for the sake of making tutorials for my fellow photographers. I’ll continue to answer their queries as long as I know the answer.

Maybe I’ll sell my camera, or I’ll just give it away. I don’t know yet what to do with it. All I know, all I feel, I have no more reason to hold and use it.

Photography doesn’t excite me anymore. I find no more reason to continue taking pictures. I find no more reason to go on a road trip and take breathtaking photographs. I find no more reason to take photos of insects and little things. I find no more reason at all.

Did It Hurt...

Someone once asked me, “Have you ever fallen in love?” Then I answered, “Of course.” Then they gave me another question, “Did it hurt?” I thought of you and cried. I told them, “Yes, very much.”

I Failed...

People say that I have loved you my best. They say that my best was more than enough than what I could have offered and given you. I proved to the world how I sincerely love you. I proved to them how much I really do. The only thing is... I failed to prove it to you.

Loving You... Always...

Every now and then, my eyes start to water, my heart feels the hurt and my mind starts to wonder. As I’m filled with memories, I realized that I still am deeply in love with you.

Why Can't I?

Why do I want you back? Why can’t I hate you? Why can’t I let go of your memories? Why do I find it hard to forget you? So many why’s but the most unanswered why is why do I still love YOU even after you’ve said goodbye?

Fate

Fate has brought us together, soon fate will keep us apart. But whatever fate may do to test us, how far the distance, how long the time, fate can never erase your place in my heart.

All I Ever Wanted

all I ever wanted was someone to care for me.
all I ever wanted was someone who would be there for me.
all I ever wanted was someone who would be true.
all I ever wanted was someone like YOU.

Flower for My Grave

I would rather have one little rose
From the garden of my love
Than to have the choicest flowers
When my stay on earth must end.

I would rather have a pleasant word
In kindness said to me
Than flattery when my heart is still,
And life has ceased to be.

I would rather have a loving smile
From my love I know it is true
Than tears shed 'round my casket
When to this world I bid adieu.

Bring me all your flowers today,
Whether pink, or white, or red
I'd rather have one blossom now
Than a truckload when I'm dead.

Loving You

It's really hard not to talk to you when I want to. So hard not to see you when I need to. So hard not to be with you when I long for you. So hard not to love an angel like you when I already do.

It took me a long time finding you. You're someone I want to be with even after death. And if I find myself in heaven or in hell without holding your hand. I'll go searching for you all over again.

Don't let me walk alone, I want to walk by your side. Don't let me talk to someone else, it's you I want to talk with. Don't let me fall for someone else, it's you I fell in love with.

If there's one wish I want to come true, it's to share my life with you. If there's one thing I want to let you know, it's to say I LOVE YOU so. If there's one dream I want to hold on to, it's to be with you.

Everyone tells me to give up on you. They can't see you like I do. You're the one who broke my heart, you're the reason my whole world fell apart, you're the one who makes me cry, but I still love you and I don't know why.

Smile

I don't know why I can't smile the way I used to do
Maybe because it's my heart that was broken into two
I just don't know until when I'll feel better
Because the only one that can make me smile again is YOU

Goodbye

............

I Almost Killed Myself

Everything is not okay. I don't feel well. I'm jobless for almost a year, no money, no savings, because of these, my gf left me. So what's left of me? Depressions already hitting me. :(

I went to Marikina Sports Center, I run like hell, like there's no tomorrow, i glanced at the bleacher, i saw many windows upstairs, it would be a 3 floors down, i know it, we used to have class on that bleacher.

I thought of going up, throwing myself out, 3 floors down, brain particles scattered all over the sidewalk.

But i didn't, you know why? Because I'm tired, I'm sick, I'm depressed, and all that running like hell, i can't even lift my foot on one step.

Maybe tomorrow, i won't run anymore, I'll just go straight up to the bleachers and throw myself out, 3 floors down, brain particles scattered all over the sidewalk.

You’re My Everything

It didn’t cross my mind that our relationship will end. I never saw this coming and it’d hit hard. Up until now, I kept beating and asking myself, “What happened? Where did I go wrong? What can I do to win you back? What have I done to deserve this?” So many questions circling around my mind, but I don’t know where can I get the answers.

Ever since I met you, my world changed, you gave meaning to my life. I started to saw things from a different perspective. I enjoyed life with you. The laughter, tears and fights, it made me a different person, a better person. But now you’re gone, how can I be that better person? How can I get through the hardships in life if you’re not here by my side? How can I be happy if you’re the one who makes me happy? And now, I have nothing because you’re my everything.

I’m sorry.

I don’t want you to go. I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want you to give up. I want you to stay. I want to spend my life with you. Grow old with you.

If God still listens, please give me back this happy ending.