Just In Love Living In A Nirvana…

It’s almost two months now but seems it’s like forever. I’m still feeling this emptiness, this large part of my heart that’s missing, this pain and this sadness. I can still feel my heart breaking into million pieces. I’m still waking up at night just to find myself crying.

But I need to get past these things. I need to move on and stand up. But the big question is “HOW?”

How can I remove someone that’s already been part of my soul? How can I stop loving someone just by the flick of my fingers or just by a blink of an eye? How can I not long for that embrace where everything would be okay? How can I not miss someone’s voice that’s music to my ears? How can I not miss those big brown eyes that when they look at me, I can see my own soul?

She created a deep well within me. She filled it up with laughter and happiness, joyous things that I never imagined. And now, that well is still wide and deep, but filled with sorrow and longing. How can I empty a bottomless well?

It is so easy to fall in love. But to recover from love or to get over from love, it might be easier to retrieve and collect every drop of rain that falls from the sky and put them back to the clouds where they fell.

After several wondrous months of being with her, loving her, adoring her, caring for her, constantly looking for new ways to express my affection and devotion, I must abruptly give that up. I must simply not to love her anymore. How am I supposed to make soul-deep love die?

I have lived through those dark hours in my life. I have lived through my share of troubling emotions in my life. I have developed strength and endurance that carried me across seas of sadness and through fields of fear. But is this a challenge for which I am not equipped? Am I facing a formidable foe? Am I weaker than I imagined?

Who knows if time really heals all wounds, or ever diminished this love. Is there a love that time can never break their hold? So great, so profound and so true. My love for her grew into immense proportion and reaches the deepest of my soul. Some of my friends told me that these sweet memories, both thrill and torture will fade into pleasant, unemotional, recollections. But I still wonder, how can my eyes forget a beauty that once made them cry? How can my skin forget those soft fingers that expressed tender love and care?

Images of her may fade. But memories of her are etched into my being that I fear will only be gone when I’m gone. I know that I am like a bird with broken wings, it will heal and fly again. But I am afraid that I will not fly again as high as I flew with her. It seems that this great love, this magnificent love with so much laughter and happiness, is a burden that puts me in emotional quicksand, pulling me down, suffocating me and killing me. And this love is an ultimate irony. It takes me both to the highest of high and to the lowest of low. It brings happiness, it brings devastation. It made me a hero and a fool. It made me whole and broke me apart. Why do I grieve so? No one died, only my heart. I am alive but not well. I've lost something I cherished, and for which there is no replacement.

I would not give up the love I shared with her. Even suffering is ahead, I would choose it again, for this love is worth whatever price, whatever pain. Even in my grief and hurt, I still thank God for letting me experienced this wonderful and overwhelming love.

So here I am, in love, without the love of my life on my side. No quick fix to cure me of this condition. No blinking of an eye, no crossing of fingers. And if does one manage to accomplish things like this quickly, I’ll say that it is not a true love. So I must simply endure and wait. Wait until my life fades, wait until the gradual erosion of my love, just as the sea rush to shore, just as the wind blows into an empty space, just as the moon goes round the earth. Just as our seasons change, so I shall make the best, little by little, moment by moment, day by day, moving in tiny fractions of time until one day I’ll wake up and realize, I do not love her. Or will I?

Just In Love Living In A Nirvana… I still believe in HAPPY ENDINGS…

Fragile...

How does one remove something that has become part of his soul? And consider my condition. My heart does not feel broken so much as it feels as if it has simply stopped. Yet in this fragile state, I am expected to summon up the will and strength to overcome love, the world's strongest force?

Dead...

KRYSTAL is dead...

Goodbye Photography...

T_T

Why...

Why can’t I stop missing you? Cause I need you. Why can’t I stop caring for you? Cause you mean so much to me. Why do I need you in my life? Cause you’re the only one who makes my life complete. Why am I saying this to you? Cause I love you so much that I can never let you go.

Images Of You...

Will my eyes ever forget a beauty that once stunned them into tears? Will my skin forget the fingers that expressed such tender love through the softest of touches? Will my ears not recall the laughter that, in the worst of times, made life brim with hope and spirit? And how shall my heart forget the love and devotion that made every emotion I ever felt before seem pale in comparison? Yes, the images may fade, and recollections of words and events will probably get fuzzy. But there are memories so integrated into my being that I fear they shall pass only when I do.

Her Essence...

I loved her with a desperate passion, not just in the way a body longs for another body, but with an intense passion for her soul, her essence. Now I miss her with the same fervor and ferocity with which I loved her and it is almost as if my pain is now my passion in how it consumes my heart and fills my days.

Pag-ibig...

May makakapagsabi ba sa akin kung paano tanggalin ang tanikala ng pag-ibig? Paano ko matatakasan ang mahigpit na hawak ng pinagmumulan ng dalamhati, kalungkutan at kahungkagan? Paano ako hindi na iibig?

Dumadaloy ang mga payo ng aking mga kaibigan, “manatiling abala”, sabi nila. Ngunit ang pag-ibig ay mabigat na nasa puso ko kahit anong gawin ko. “Wag mo syang isipin”, payo nila. At hindi na rin ba ako hihinga? “Humanap ka ng iba”, rekomendasyon nila. Napupulot ba sa kalsada ang pag-ibig?

Tunay na pag-ibig ay hindi napapalitan, tiyak na hindi sa kaswal na palasintahan. Naniniwala ako na walang simpleng pamamaraan, o mga alituntunin kung paano hindi na umibig. Ang pag-ibig ay kusang dumadating, at kusang aalis kapag ito ay handa na, at hindi bago paman. At habang lumalakas ang pag-ibig, mas humahaba ang panahon nito.

O, tama, panahon -- ang dakilang manggagamot, sinasabi nila, ang tanging kilalang ginhawa. Ngunit hindi ako mabigyan ng kaginhawaan ngayon, hindi rin tiyak kinabukasan o marahil kahit sa susunod na isang libong kinabukasan.



Sabi sa lyrics ng kantang "I Need You Back" by Lea Salonga

Since you`ve gone I`ve always been alone
Feeling down and sorry for myself
I look at your picture and there I find
I won`t make it through another rain
Without your sunshine

I need you back...
I need you here to guide me
Please come back
You`re the only one who`s ever loved me
I need you back
Let`s start all over again
Share the love you had for me then

Mundo...

Kung lahat ng tao eh kagaya mo, ayoko nang tumira dito sa mundong ito! Lilipat na ko ng planeta! Kase kung lahat ng nilalang eh kapareho mo, mahihirapan ako. Aba! Mahirap mahalin ang buong mundo!

Holding on...

I keep holding on. Some say I'm stupid. Some say I'm crazy. But, they can never know what it was like. They can never know how it felt. I keep loving you. Most people call me pathetic. Most people call me insane. But, they can never know what I'm going through. They will never see what I see. They will never feel the way I feel. So, I'll just keep holding on and keep on loving you.

Today...

Today, I love you more than I did yesterday. Tomorrow, I know I'll love you more than I do today. It's the unexplainable thing that I go through each and everyday. Falling even more in love with you in every single way.

Give up on her...

Once I fell in love with someone very special and I told myself that I'll never gonna give up on her. But a month and a half ago, she asked me to. I tried really hard, but I couldn't. Kasi mahal na mahal ko sya.

Reason...

You're the reason I live, you're the reason I'd die, you're the reason I smile yet breakdown and cry. You're the reason I keep going and the reason I fall. But without you in my life, I'm nothing at all.

Ulan…

Tag-ulan na naman. Nakikiramay sa akin ang panahon. Nakikisabay sa pagluha ng aking damdamin. Sa pagdadalamhati at pangungulila. Sa pag-asang may babalik pa.

Sana pagkatapos ng tag-ulan, dumating ang tag-araw sa buhay ko at sana ako ay hindi na luluha pang muli.

Ngunit ngayon, sige, buhos pa ulan at mundo ko ay lunuring tuluyan, kung hatid mo man ay bagyo, dalangin ito ng puso kong sumasamo.

Sabi nga sa lyrics ng “Crying in the Rain” by Everly Brothers

Raindrops falling from heaven
Could never wash away my misery
But since we're not together
I'll look for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you'll never see

Sana sa darating na tag-araw… sana ako ay hindi na luluha pang muli…

My side...

It's wrong for me to say that I can't live without you.
Because I have lived my life before I knew you.
So, Instead of saying that, I'd rather tell you this
"I would live a better life with you by my side..."

Life With You...

If someone would ask me what a beautiful life means, I would take out my wallet, show to them your picture and answer them with a smile, "LIFE WITH HER IS SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL."

Better...

If I can just make everything fall where it should be, I would. If I could make life better for you, I would. But I can’t. All I can do is to let you know that mine has been better because of you.

Wondering...

I often catch myself constantly wondering how you are, sitting alone with my mind set so far, reminiscing about your smile, your voice and touch. Damn this life! I’m missing you too much!